5.1.15 Parashat Kedoshim

"You are holy.  Because I, the Lord your God am holy." (Leviticus 23:32)

This is how the portion opens.  This is the promise.  This is the hope.  This is our right.  God is presenting the greatest example of unconditional love.  We don't have to do or not do ANYTHING.  Being holy is automatic.  It's not based on what we say, or think, or feel.  It's not dependent on our actions  God is our God and we are God's people.  This, plus that, means we are holy.  We are "kadosh".  (God certainly would prefer, and actually also insists that we fulfill the mitzvot.  But, we are holy regardless.) 

The portion opens with this verse but doesn't explain what it means to be holy, to be "kadosh".  What does it mean to be holy?  What does it feel like?  What does it look like?  Once we have it, can we we lose it?

As usual, I am left with more questions than answers.  I have thought about this concept of "kadosh" a lot.  It's woven throughout our liturgy, part of how we welcome in Shabbat and a integral piece of the Passover seder (feel free to sing or hum along - "kadesh, urchatz, karpas, yachatz…").  So why doesn't God follow the statement with some specifics around what this actually means?

If I am holy because God is holy, and you are holy because God is holy, and my neighbor is holy because God holy, and the farmer in Nebraska is holy because God is holy and EVERYONE is holy because God is holy then perhaps what it means to be holy is for each of us to be ourselves?  If the "kadosh" is automatic, then maybe what God is saying is "be you!", "be fully you".    And how does one do this? How do we get ourselves into position so we can be fully ourselves?  How do we direct ourselves towards being our full self?

Maybe there is a distinction between being holy and being able to activate our holiness?  Being holy is just the beginning.  In order to activate the holiness within, we need to think, feel and do.  We need to have an intention to live holy.  God sets us up, gives us the soil.  Then it's up to us to cultivate the soil, open the richness of the soil to support growth.

Mekor Ha'chayiim, Source of Life, "THANK YOU" for the gift of "kadosh".  As we move into Shabbat, may we focus our intention on activating this gift.  Let us BE our full selves.  

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach (a restful and blessed Shabbat),
Laurie


4.24.15 Compassion

Please forgive my digression from the weekly Torah portion and the counting of the Omer.  FYI - On Shabbat we enter the week of "Netzach" - Endurance - the ability to stand up for what we believe in - commitment to our values.  Take time during the coming week to reflect on your relationship to your endurance.  Is it stable?  Is it firm?  Is it connected to the ones you love?  Is it conditional?  

I feel compelled to focus on COMPASSION.  Lately, compassion has been receiving a lot of attention. Articles are being written about compassion within prison.  David Brooks' new book discusses the morality of compassion.  Compassion is the meta theme of Passover.  

Two months ago I began volunteering at Bedford Correctional Facility.  "Bedford" is a maximum security women's prison.  If you are there, you have done something, or at least been convicted of doing something really bad.  Once a month I visit "JF".  She is 34 years old and entered prison when she was 19.  She has two daughters, 19 and 17.  Their father was killed in a motorcycle accident ten years ago.  They were not married.  JF has a brother and a sister.  Her mother raised her granddaughters and is very supportive. She is Jewish (and Puerto Rican) but wasn't raised with Jewish tradition or culture.  Her grandmother used to tell her stories about where she comes from and what her family was like.  JF's personal interest in and exploration of Judaism began a few years ago. "It's a way to keep myself sane.  To keep myself from going crazy in here."  I would not say that she is optimistic but she is hopeful and looks towards her release.

Bedford has a rabbi/chaplain that visits once or twice a week.  JF participates in all of the sessions.  Typically, the only Jewish women who visit Jewish inmates are Orthodox.  JF received several visits from two Orthodox women and enjoyed learning about Psalms and stories in the Torah.  But when she told them she was gay, they stopped coming.  JF starts her morning with "Modeh Ani" and celebrates Shabbat. JF observed Passover, on her own, in solitary confinement.  She received a punishment of 45 days of solitary, in what they call "SHU" - special housing unit, for being part of a fight.  She says she wasn't part of the fight but was trying to help a friend by pulling her out of the fight.

I take the train from Harlem to Bedford Hills, a quaint, wealthy, small town about 90 minutes outside of Manhattan. I get off of the train and feel like I am stepping into a life sized doll house.  While I wait for my cab to take me to the prison, I look out onto an adorable bakery with a pink ruffled awning, a real estate agency that operates out of a miniature English tudor home, and a post office with curtains - lace curtains.  It's one of the cutest places I have ever been.  The cab ride from the bakery to the prison is a little under five minutes.

I enter the visitor's "reception area", place all of my belongings, except for my ziplock bag of quarters and my license, into a locker, fill out the required form and wait for the guard to call "next visitor" over the loud speaker in order to be processed.  My picture is taken, I am given a visitor's pass, I walk through a metal detector, and my hand is stamped with black light ink.  A guard buzzes me in through three different sets of bars and then I walk the path from to the building where visitors are "received".

I show my pass to another guard.  She checks for my stamp under the black light and then buzzes through two sets of bars.  I enter the visitor's room, hand my pass to another guard and she tells me where to sit and wait.  I usually wait 40 minutes for "JF" to enter the room.  She greets me with a smile and a hug.  She sits down and our visit officially begins.  We talk about family.  She's very worried because her oldest daughter is not doing well.  We talk about Shabbat and Counting the Omer.  She asks me questions about Jewish practice, belief and philosophy.  She makes references to her past without divulging specifics.  I listen.  We pause to get some food and beverages from the row of vending machines (stocked with everything from ice cream to shrimp with broccoli).  This is why I need the quarters.  "JF" cannot touch any of the money.  In fact she needs to stand behind the black line and point to the items she would like.  "JF" is not allowed to operate the microwave.  

We return to our appointed table and resume our conversation.  She asks me questions about how I observe Shabbat and what prayers help me focus.  and I do my best to offer helpful guidance.  Right now she is wanting to make decisions that lead to constructive behavior (as opposed to destructive behavior).  I do my best to offer helpful guidance.  And while we sit and talk, and eat our chips, in a completely bizarre way it feels like I am talking to a friend.

But, we are not friends.  She did a terrible thing and has already been in prison for 15 years (she has 10 more years before she is even eligible for parole).  We are not friends, and yet I find myself connecting with her and I want to help her.  I think about ways to make her "stay" more tolerable.  I even ask her what I can do to be helpful.  Fresh vegetables and a book on Counting the Omer are at the top of her list (I will bring them next month).  There is actually a common area on her unit where she can cook and often does, along with other inmates.  I think about "JF" cooking with her friends on her unit and I think about the many times I have cooked with my friends.

We continue talking and I realize four and a half hours have passed.  I need to get home and there is a part of me that feels badly that I have to tell "JF" that I need to leave.  I will see her again in a month.

I am surprised by the connection and commitment I already feel.  I am overwhelmed by the amount of compassion I have for her.  I am surprised by how much I think about her.  I carry her story with me.  There is no judgement.  (I am not condoning her behavior and value being held accountable for one's actions.)  And, I can't help wonder, if JF's father had been loving and nurturing, if she had lived in a safe environment when she was younger, ate 3 meals a day, received medical care and attended a good school (a private Catholic College offers courses to inmates), would she have ended up a "25 to lifer"?  I find myself wanting to support her.  I want her to know that I care about her.  I want her to know that I hope we know each other when she is released.  I actually imagine a time when she will be at my shabbat table.  

A surge of gratitude, deep and heavy, runs through me as I think about my childhood, my upbringing and my reality.  I didn't choose the womb.  I am fully present and fully aware of my privilege and my access.  My skin color and my socio economic level gave me an abundance of opportunity. The likelihood of me ending up in prison is practically zero.  
On the one hand it's a shame and heartbreaking that the cycle is very hard to break and the other hand it's great.  

The only thing I can DO, the only thing I can provide is compassion. Maybe compassion is the response that leads to real change?  Maybe compassion is the element that provides dignity?  Maybe compassion is more than enough.  

Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into Shabbat and make our way closer to Shavuot and receiving the Torah, may we have the ability to respond to the other with compassion.  

What could happen?  What could be possible if we lived and led with compassion?

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach,
Laurie



4.17.15 A little (more) Omer

Another week closer to Sinai and receiving the Torah.  
What are you doing to get ready? 
REMINDER:  According to the Torah (Lev. 23:15), we are obligated to count the days from Passover to Shavu'ot. This period is known as the Counting of the Omer. An omer is a unit of measure. On the second day of Passover, in the days of the Temple, an omer of barley was cut down and brought to the Temple as an offering.
We are now coming to the end of the second week and starting the third. All and all we will count 49 days bringing us to the holiday of Shavuot when we will commemorate the giving and receiving of the Torah.  We are commanded - given the privilege and responsibility of seeing ourselves as if we literally received the Torah directly from God.
In an effort to deepen our connection to Shavuat the mystics have taken 7 of God's attributes and layered them into one another providing us with an amazing array of connections between the qualities themselves and the qualities of God and subsequently of human being.  Each week we are asked to focus on one of the attributes and it's relationship to the other 6. Each attribute is held by, strengthened by and elevated by the other 6. Each week we are given the mitzvah, the privilege, opportunity and responsibility of taking a journey through our soul.  
The 7 attributes are:
  • Chesed - loving-kindness
  • Gevurah -- might
  • Tiferet - beauty
  • Netzach - victory
  • Hod - splendor
  • Yesod - foundation
  • Malchut - kingdom
It's customary to recite a blessing before each day is counting.  Counting happens in the evening.  

BA-RUCH A-TAH ADO-NAI E-LO-HE-NU ME-LECH HA-OLAM ASHER KID-E-SHA-NU BE-MITZ-VO-TAV VETZI-VA-NU AL SEFI-RAT HA-OMER.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us concerning the counting of the Omer.
Today is the ________ day.

The focus of week 2 is GEVURAH - justice and discipline.  The focus of week 3 is TIFERET - harmony, compassion, beauty

Friday evening we will count 14.  Saturday evening we will count 15  .  And Sunday evening we will count 16.
The following teachings come from "COUNTDOWN TO PERFECTION - MEDITATIONS ON THE SEFIROT" Images by Judith Margolis (artist, teacher, editor, writer, mother, partner and my dear friend). Text by Sarah Yehudit Schneider (Bright Idea Books, 2007 - go to www.judithmargolis.com to see different images and to order a copy of this amazing book for yourself.

I apologize that I can only provide you with the text.

Day 14:  Malkhut sh'b'Gevurah - Leadership in Justice
Criticism and Severity only work on the "other" after one has applied them to oneself.  i.e. after one's own teshuvah (turning inward) and the lowliness that comes from that.  If Gevurah/Justice does not come from a place of lowliness then it deteriorates into abuse.

Day 15: Hesed sh'b'Tiferet - Compassion in Mercy
Tiferet (Mercy) resides on the central pillar of the Tree of Life, yet leans toward the right toward the side of Hesed (Compassion).  This teaches that when tempering generosity with justice, one should lean toward kindness.  The formula is not balanced evenly. MERCY AND COMPASSION are the fruit of LOVE and they should be expressed as much as possible.

Day 16:  Gevurah sh'b'Tiferet - Might in Beauty
Beauty/Harmony is the balancing of opposing tendencies; generosity and limitation, light and dark, love and fear etc...and this requires compromise.  

Mekor Ha'chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into Shabbat and closer to receiving Torah directly from You (again), may we do the work necessary to be ready for such an awesome gift. May we ask ourselves the difficult questions around our relationship to Justice, Mercy, Beauty, Might and COMPROMISE.  Can we put our love for the other first so we can love the other (and ourselves) fully.

See you at Sinai (again) - in just 5 short weeks.

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach,
LP

4.10.15 A little "counting of the Omer"

According to the Torah (Lev. 23:15), we are obligated to count the days from Passover to Shavu'ot. This period is known as the Counting of the Omer. An omer is a unit of measure. On the second day of Passover, in the days of the Temple, an omer of barley was cut down and brought to the Temple as an offering.
It's that time of year, again.  We are in the first week of seven, counting 49 days until we arrive at the holiday of Shavuot and commemorate the giving of the Torah.  Just as we are commanded to see ourselves as if we were the slave in Egypt, so too are we commanded to see ourselves as if we received the Torah directly from God.
In an effort to deepen our connection to Shavuat (or perhaps to Passover?  or perhaps to both?), the mystics have taken 7 of God's attributes and layered them into one another providing us with an amazing array of connections between the qualities themselves and the qualities of God and subsequently of human being.  Each week we are asked to focus on one of the attributes and it's relationship to the other 6. Each attribute is held by, strengthened by and elevated by the other 6. Each week we are given the mitzvah, the privilege, opportunity and responsibility of taking a journey through our soul.
The 7 attributes in order by week are:
  • Chesed - Loving-kindness
  • Gevurah -- Justice and discipline
  • Tiferet - Harmony, compassion
  • Netzach - Endurance
  • Hod - Humility
  • Yesod - Bonding
  • Malchut - Sovereignty, leadership
It's customary to recite a blessing before each day is counting.  Counting happens in the evening.  

BA-RUCH A-TAH ADO-NAI E-LO-HE-NU ME-LECH HA-OLAM ASHER KID-E-SHA-NU BE-MITZ-VO-TAV VETZI-VA-NU AL SEFI-RAT HA-OMER.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us concerning the counting of the Omer.
Today is the ________ day.

Thursday evening we counted 6 days.  Friday evening we will count 7.
The focus of week 1 is on "Chesed" - loving kindness.

There are many different writings, meditations and teachings around the Omer.  I have been following Simon Jacobson for years.  I like it/him because he gives a short teaching (that's easy to absorb) and then follows it with an "exercise for the day" (that's usually personally relevant).  In order for me to fully count each day of the Omer, I must include action.  You can sign up to receive a daily teaching in your "inbox" and there is even an "app" available.

Here's what Simon Jacobson has to say for days 6 and 7:
Day 6: Yesod of Chesed
For love to be eternal it requires bonding. A sense of togetherness which actualizes the love in a joint effort. An intimate connection, kinship and attachment, benefiting both parties. This bonding bears fruit; the fruit born out of a healthy union.
Exercise for the day: Start building something constructive together with a loved one.
Day 7: Malchut of Chesed
Mature love comes with - and brings - personal dignity. An intimate feeling of nobility and regality. Knowing your special place and contribution in this world. Any love that is debilitating and breaks the human spirit is no love at all. For love to be complete it must have the dimension of personal sovereignty.
Exercise for the day: Highlight an aspect in your love that has bolstered your spirit and enriched your life - and celebrate.
And here's what I have to say:
Love takes a ton of effort.  It can only work when it is between the right people.  Whether the love is between life partners, parents and children, siblings, friends or even teacher and student, love is A LOT of work.  A lot of work!  So make sure the other person is worth it.
In order for me to full love and be loved I need to engage all of myself.  These attributes are a good reflection of all of me.  But, there is one attribute that is missing - HUMOR.  Humor has been an essential part of loving myself and loving others.  
Here's what I have found to be true regarding love:
1. Love all of myself (if I want to love anyone else).                                                     2. Engage the other from a place of compassion (even when you are right).                         3. Give as much love as I can, as often as I can. (because it feels good).
4. Acknowledge how grateful to love many and be loved by many.
Shabbat will move us into week 2 - Gevurah - justice and discipline.
Google "counting the Omer" and you will find a wide array of choices.  See who/what resonates most strongly with you.  Feel free to even mix it up.  No need to stay with just one teacher.
Mekor Ha'chayiim, Source of Life, as we move through Shabbat let us be open to the power of love and the need to open ourselves up to it's fullness.  May we act on our gratitude for all of the love in our lives.  May our compassion for others extend to the "other" we don't yet know.
Shabbat shalom u'mevorach,                                                                                     Laurie

4.3.15 A little Passover

"...forever, compassion will build", "...olam chesed yibaneh", "עוֹלָם, חֶסֶד יִבָּנֶה..."(psalm 89:3)

The Haggadah/story of Passover teaches (over and over again) that because we were strangers in the land of Egypt, because we were slaves, because we were oppressed and because we were liberated and are now a free people WE MUST SEE OURSELVES AS IF WE WERE ACTUALLY THE ONES WHO WERE ENSLAVED and then WE MUST SEE OURSELVES AS IF WE WERE ACTUALLY THE ONES WHO WERE LIBERATED and then WE MUST HELP FREE THE STRANGER AND THE OPPRESSED AMONG US.

It's not optional.  It's our obligation and our responsibility to bring liberation to those who are oppressed.  

But, is this really possible?

Passover is my favorite holiday and it's also my most challenging.  It's my favorite because I am always with family and dear friends and everyone sitting at the seder table is their because there isn't anywhere else they want to be.  It's my favorite because people seem a little more open, less guarded and even a little vulnerable.  As a result, we are able to have interesting, important and thought provoking discussions.  It's my favorite because I LOVE matzah!  

But, it's also my most challenging holiday because I try hard to acknowledge and address the things that keep me weighted down and prevent me from being truly me. I think about the times I was jealous, resentful, judgmental and harsh. I think about the times when my confidence was weak and my fears were leading.  I reflect on all of this and then decide on a course of action. It's a "middle of the year" Yom Kippur (Passover actually falls in the middle of the Jewish year).

But, the biggest reason Passover is my most challenging holiday is because I never feel like I am able to fulfill the obligation of seeing myself as someone who was actually enslaved.  I never feel like I am able to fulfill the obligation of bringing freedom to those who are currently enslaved.  

Sex trafficking, child slavery, poverty, discrimination, mass incarceration, racism, drugs, rape, unfair labor conditions, murder, war, and...

The suffering in the world is great.  The challenges are huge. 

And The Haggadah/story of Passover teaches (over and over again) that because we were strangers in the land of Egypt, because we were slaves, because we were oppressed and because we were liberated and are now a free people WE MUST SEE OURSELVES AS IF WE WERE ACTUALLY THE ONES WHO WERE ENSLAVED and then WE MUST SEE OURSELVES AS IF WE WERE ACTUALLY THE ONES WHO WERE LIBERATED and then WE MUST HELP FREE THE STRANGER AND THE OPPRESSED AMONG US.

What can I do? 

"...forever, compassion will build", "...olam chesed yibaneh", "עוֹלָם, חֶסֶד יִבָּנֶה..."(psalm 89:3)

Compassion, kindness - this is what I can do.  This is what everyone can do.  Regardless of our ability, intelligence, gender, profession, economic status, religion or belief we can show compassion and kindness.  Regardless of our fears, struggles or challenges we can show compassion and kindness.    

"...forever, compassion will build", "...olam chesed yibaneh", "עוֹלָם, חֶסֶד יִבָּנֶה..."(psalm 89:3)

Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of life, as we move into Shabbat and Pesach, may we be mindful of the bounty in our lives.  May we demonstrate our gratitude to those we love.  May we live and lead with compassion and kindness so that others may draw closer to freedom.

May your seder be nourishing and meaningful.

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach and chag sameach,
Laurie