5.29.15 Naso

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Parashat Naso

Numbers 4:21-7:89

If you are in a rush, just scroll down and read the "stuff" in bold.

This Torah portion has got it all: Counting - Jealousy - Bitter Waters - Priestly Blessing - Nazarites - 12 Days of Dedication...

W - H - A - T??? I have read, re-read and read it again finding myself more confused and frankly more frustrated each time.  This is one of those Torah portions, one of those weeks where I seem to have a lot less understanding and a lot less tolerance for the events in the Torah.  I seem to have a lot less patience for making excuses for the time in which these events took place.  "It" just doesn't make ANY sense.  None of "it" makes any sense.

Maybe you can figure it out.

The Torah portion opens with God instructing Moshe to "take a census", a counting of many different groups of Israelites.  Men, thirty to fifty years old get counted according to to their family/their tribe, and each group is assigned a special task in association with the Mishkan - the tabernacle (the moveable ark that houses the tablets).  

An example;

Chapter 4:

22Take a census of the sons of Gershon, of them too, following their fathers' houses, according to their families.		כבנָשׂא אֶת רֹאשׁ בְּנֵי גֵרְשׁוֹן גַּם הֵם לְבֵית אֲבֹתָם לְמִשְׁפְּחֹתָם:
23From the age of thirty years and upward, until the age of fifty years you shall count them, all who come to join the legion, to perform service in the Tent of Meeting.		כגמִבֶּן שְׁלשִׁים שָׁנָה וָמַעְלָה עַד בֶּן חֲמִשִּׁים שָׁנָה תִּפְקֹד אוֹתָם כָּל הַבָּא לִצְבֹא צָבָא לַעֲבֹד עֲבֹדָה בְּאֹהֶל מוֹעֵד:
24This is the service of the Gershonite families to serve and to carry.		כדזֹאת עֲבֹדַת מִשְׁפְּחֹת הַגֵּרְשֻׁנִּי לַעֲבֹד וּלְמַשָּׂא:
25They shall carry ("Naso") the curtains of the Mishkan and the Tent of Meeting, its covering and the tachash skin covering overlaid upon it, and the screen for the entrance to the Tent of Meeting.		כהוְנָשְׂאוּ אֶת יְרִיעֹת הַמִּשְׁכָּן וְאֶת אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד מִכְסֵהוּ וּמִכְסֵה הַתַּחַשׁ אֲשֶׁר עָלָיו מִלְמָעְלָה וְאֶת מָסַךְ פֶּתַח אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד:

And then...

... there is a section on what happens to a wife who cheats on her husband OR, and this is what's really shocking - a husband who feels jealous even if his wife hasn't cheated on him.  

She is brought before the Kohen and forced to drink "bitter waters" (no idea what this is - bleach?  Vinegar? Some kind of poison?  And if she can stomach the toxic beverage then she is in the clear.  If she cannot, which I doubt there was a woman who could, "the curse bearing waters shall enter her to become bitter and her belly will swell and her thigh will rupture.  And she shall be a curse among her people." (5:27)  Oh, the woman is supposed to say "Amen, amen" after drinking the "bitter waters".

W - H - A - T?????  This is absurd, even for the Torah and frankly, it's completely abusive.

Did our ancestors really do this?  Did God really command this practice?  And THEN...

...God gives the instructions for a man who volunteers to become a Nazir.  As far as I can tell, this is a man who dedicates his service to God and takes a vow to live a life very similar to modern day Priests.

W - H - A - T???  This seems absurd, even for the Torah (although I don't think it qualifies as abusive.  It's a man's choice.  Hence the smaller font.  And THEN...

...God commands Moshe to bless the people with the following blessing - known as the Priestly Blessing, Birkat Kohaniim (this is the same blessing offered to B'nai Mitzvah, to couples under the chuppah/wedding canopy, and to the entire community in some synagogues every Shabbat morning).  

It goes like this:

May God bless you and keep you.

May God's face be revealed to you and be gracious.

May God's face turn towards you and give you peace.

W - H - A - T???  This does not seem to fit with what preceded or what follows.  The parasha closes with a detailed description of 12 days of dedicating the Mishkan via 12 different families offering 12 different kinds of sacrifices.

This Torah portion moves from harshness to tenderness to unreasonableness without pause and seemingly without any difficulty.  God moves from one mode and mood to another effortlessly.  At least that's how the text reads.

Remember, back in the beginning I wrote, "I have read, re-read and read it again finding myself more confused and frankly more frustrated each time."

When I get stuck, which happens quite a bit, I let the content linger.  I don't let it weigh heavy but I don't dismiss it or push it aside. I find something that calls out to me and focus on that for the coming Shabbat.  I am optimistic that at another time the pieces that don't make any sense will eventually have an impact.  Thank goodness, we read the Torah every year.  

So this week, I am choosing to focus on the Priestly Blessing, Birkat Kohaniim.  I want this to be true.  I want to believe that God's face is shining on me, being revealed and being gracious.  I want to believe that God is turning towards me and with that turning, with that revealing, peace is the result.

I want to believe this and I do believe this happens often.  God's face is reflected in the face of every human being.  God's face is revealed in the face of every human being.  God's face is turning towards me, turning towards you every time another human being turns his/her face towards me/towards you.  Every human being holds God's face in his/her face.  Which means, "IT's" ALL in our hands.  We decide how God's face will be revealed.   We decide when we reveal with grace.  We determine when there will be peace (which incidentally is also connected to the word "shalem" - fullness/wholeness).

Mekor Ha'chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into Shabbat may we choose grace. May we choose to reveal God's face (often) through kindness, through compassion and through love.  And may the result be peace and wholeness.

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach,

Laurie

5.22.15

5.22.15 Mah norah HaMakom hazeh
"How AWESOME is this PLACE" 

For the past year I have been participating in a Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training program with 34 others - many are rabbis, some are doctors, some are therapists and some are artists.  In addition to monthly exercises, readings, a daily meditation practice and submitting a monthly write up to discuss with our mentor, our training  includes attending three weeklong SILENT retreats.  during this time we engage in walking and sitting meditation, yoga, study (listening to the teachings of the faculty) and mindfulness eating.  There are two 20 minute talking slots for faculty "check-ins".  The experience is always challenging, always nurturing and always worth it.

The focus for April was fear.  The instruction was to pay attention to the fear that arises during meditation.  We were asked to select one prayer and develop a month long "prayer practice".  The instruction was to take 7 seconds to say each word and reflect on the following questions:  "Is there a relationship between the fear that arises and the prayer we are reciting?  What is the connection between the two?" 

I was pretty skeptical because I never thought of myself as someone who experiences fear.  I feel safe, protected and loved.  Those things are all true AND…

Here's my write up from April: 

I spent the past month developing a prayer practice on "Pokeiach Ivrim" - "Giving sight to the blind."  In the beginning it was just words - 7 seconds for each word.  "I can do that."  I did that. I sat.  I breathed.  I spoke.  I sat.  I breathed.  I spoke.

Is this prayer?  It depends.  Is this a trigger for prayer?  It depends.

For me, the kavannah (the intention) that accompanies me while I say the words, will determine whether or not it is prayer or a trigger/precursor to prayer.

I chose this blessing for my practice because sight/awareness seem to be in the foreground of my existence right now.  I need to be able to see - see the truth, see the real, see the hidden.  I need to be aware - be fully present.  And when these elements are shaky or imbalanced, fear starts to rise.  Noticing the fear is just the start.  Focusing on my breath and softening the judgement keep the fear from rising.  The softer the judgement the more sight/awareness I have.

Over the month I could feel my strength, my will, rise against the fear and judgment. Saying the words, breathing them slowly and thoroughly became a tool against fear.  By the end of the month the breath and words were intertwined - there was no distinction.  They were ONE.  The more the oneness came through the less fear surfaced.  

I only had a brief amount of time (not sure the exact amount - a few minutes? or a few seconds?) completely without fear.  Initially this was disappointing but then as time progressed, it didn't actually matter.  The practice carried throughout my day bringing about a continuous flow of calm and awareness.

Blessed One, fully present in this world, modah ani lifanecha, I stand before You in gratitude, for the ability to exercise my power, to extend breath and bring about sight to my blindness.

And now back to the silent retreat.

During one of the sitting meditations As my breathing slowed, I started to notice fear arising.  I noticed it, and let go of it with each exhale.  I did that over and over and over again for close to an hour.  "Noticing the fear.  Letting the fear go.  Noticing the fear.  Letting the fear go.  Noticing the fear.  Letting the fear go." This went on for a few days and I wasn't sure I would ever be rid of the fear.  During another sit, I specific verse kept creeping into my mind "Mah Norah HaMakom hazeh" - "How awesome is this PLACE".  This was the answer to my "pokeiach Ivrim" - "opening the eyes of the blind" - opening my eyes.  

I will explain:

"norah" = awesome (rather awe full - filled with awe)

"norah" is related to the word "yirah" = fear/awe in direct relation to God.

And then it hit me.  "yirah" - a state of awe, happens when I hold God within my fear.  Without God, my fear is just a vehicle for BEING afraid.  With God, my fear transforms into something tangible that enables me to act, causing the fear to soften and my strength to rise in its place.

"Makom" = means "place" and is also another name for God.  Using this definition the verse reads; "How awesome is this God".

I realized several things; fear is natural, especially when change happens and when something new begins.  Opening my eyes, seeing what's true, reflecting on this truth, enables me to be fully present.  This state of full presence allows me to bring God into the fear and (sometimes) that's when the fear becomes awe.

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha'Olam, Pokeiach Ivrim. 

Blessed One, You are Adonai, our God, King of the Universe, who gives sight to the blind.

Blessed One, fully present in this world, modah ani lifanecha, I stand before You in gratitude, for the ability to exercise my power, to extend breath and bring about sight to my blindness.

An invitation for you:

Dedicate 5 minutes every day, for 7 days, to sit/meditate quietly and notice any fear that arises.  Begin by reflecting on where you feel God in relation to the fear.  Notice what arises and practice letting it go.

INSTRUCTION:

Sit comfortably.

Allow your muscles to release and fall gently.

Take in several long  breaths.

Allow the breath to slow down.

Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of life, as we move into Shavuot and receive the Torah anew (as if it were the first time), may the breath hold the fear (but not hold onto it) and release it.  May the breath be a source of softening and compassion.  May the breath be the bridge to seeing and awareness.  May the breath be a source of compassion and connection between myself and God.  May the fear transform into awe.

Shabbat shalom,

Laurie

5.8.15 Emor

DISCLAIMER:
This week's Torah is a little long and very full.  Go ahead and only read 1/2 this week and 1/2 next week.  I will be away next week on a silent retreat and won't have access to a computer to write the "little Torah".  

Sh'mita Update and Parashat Emor 

Sh'mita (reminder this is the practice of letting the earth lie fallow - every seven years we are not allowed to contribute or gain from the land)
This year, starting August 8th, I took on a personal Sh'mita practice of not gaining from or contributing to the "economy" by refraining from purchasing any clothing, shoes, or jewelry.  In general I have been able to keep this practice.  
But, I have made some purchases and here they are:
1.  In Morocco I purchased a rug, bracelet, 2 pairs of earrings and some ceramics (I did give some of the jewelry away as gifts which was already permitted.  But kept the rug, a bracelet and a pair of earrings for myself).  Justification:  "When will I be back in Morocco?"
2.  1 pair of winter boots.  
 Justification:  I actually needed a real pair of winter boots.

Over time it has definitely gotten easier.  In fact, I rarely think about shopping.  I am a little nervous about how I will react once the year is over.  Will I maintain the practice?  Will I end up purchasing more because the "restriction" the "commandment" has been lifted?  
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Now for some TORAH

Parashat Emor

We are exploring Parashat Emor.  It's a parasha of "CAN'Ts, DON'Ts and SHOULD NOTs.  It's filled with a ton of laws around what Kohaniim(Priests) are not allowed to do, what their children are not allowed to do, what cannot be sacrificed, who cannot offer sacrifices and what to do with someone who "blasphemes" God.  It might seem irrelevant, antiquated, tedious and perhaps boring.  But, I encourage you to read it with an open heart reflecting on the following questions:

1. What is relevant about all of these laws, regulations, and rules?

2.  Why would God condone the stoning/hanging of "one who blasphemes God"?  Isn't it better to swear against God than another person?  Or not?

3.  How does this parasha relate to good and evil or rather good vs. evil?

Commentary on Leviticus 22:32 

"You shall not profane My holy name, that I may be sanctified in the midst of the Israelite people-I Adonai who sanctify you." 

v'nikdashti, "and I will be made holy" (by you)

P'sikta D'Rav Kahana (6 c.e.), one of the oldest collections of midrash and commentaries on the Torah. The P'siktateaches:

"You are My witnesses, says the Lord . . . that I am the One; before Me there was no God formed, neither shall there be any after Me" (Isaiah 43:10). Thus said Shimon bar Yohai: "If you are my witnesses then I am the One, the first One, neither shall there be any after Me. But if you are not My witnesses, I am not, as it were, God." (P'sikta D'Rav Kahana, 12)

If you are not My witnesses, I am not, as it were, God."

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BACK TO LP:  In the context of the Torah, our lives, our very existence as a people, are dependent on the actions of God. And here for this one shining moment, the Torah teaches us that God's Holiness, God's Presence in the world, is dependent upon us.  

This is amazing!!!  The only way God exists is if we say God exists!  Can you appreciate the amount of power that is in our hands?  Can you sense the tremendous level of vulnerability God is expressing (and experiencing) in this moment?  No matter how many commandments, no matter if we observe them or not, God can only exist is we say God exists.

QUESTION for each of us to consider:  How do we do this?  How do we make God holy?

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Some additional commentary to explore:  The first one is contemporary and the second is from Rashi.  

1.  Commentary by Professor Arnold M. Eisen on April 23, 2013 in Jewish Thought - there is an audio piece (about 10 min).  

Click on this title and then click on "download": The Spirit of Jewish Leadership

Commentary by Professor Arnold M. Eisen on April 23, 2013 in Jewish Thought

"Two themes in this week’s Torah portion strike me with particular urgency and force: how Israelites should mourn the dead, and the qualifications required for the priesthood. These themes are important in any time or circumstance, and especially..."

2.  What does Rashi have to say about the final verse?

23And Moses told [all this] to the children of Israel. So they took the blasphemer outside the camp and stoned him, and the children of Israel did just as the Lord had commanded Moses.		כגוַיְדַבֵּר משֶׁה אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וַיּוֹצִיאוּ אֶת הַמְקַלֵּל אֶל מִחוּץ לַמַּחֲנֶה וַיִּרְגְּמוּ אֹתוֹ אָבֶן וּבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל עָשׂוּ כַּאֲשֶׁר צִוָּה יְהֹוָה אֶת משֶׁה:
and the children of Israel did: the whole procedure of stoning, described elsewhere [in Scripture]-namely, “pushing” [him off a two-story building-see Rashi on Exod. 19:13 and Sanh. 45a] the actual “stoning” and “hanging” [him afterwards on a pole, taking him down before nightfall and burying him then-see Deut. 21:22-23 and Rashi there]. — [Torath Kohanim 24:252]		ובני ישראל עשו: כל המצוה האמורה בסקילה במקום אחר דחייה, רגימה ותלייה:

If you are interested in reading more Rashi:  go to chabad.org, click on weekly Torah portion, look to the far left and click on "all parashas", click on "Emor" and then click "show Rashi's commentary"  

And feel free to "google" - "commentary Parashat Emor"  to explore even more.