5.22.15

5.22.15 Mah norah HaMakom hazeh
"How AWESOME is this PLACE" 

For the past year I have been participating in a Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training program with 34 others - many are rabbis, some are doctors, some are therapists and some are artists.  In addition to monthly exercises, readings, a daily meditation practice and submitting a monthly write up to discuss with our mentor, our training  includes attending three weeklong SILENT retreats.  during this time we engage in walking and sitting meditation, yoga, study (listening to the teachings of the faculty) and mindfulness eating.  There are two 20 minute talking slots for faculty "check-ins".  The experience is always challenging, always nurturing and always worth it.

The focus for April was fear.  The instruction was to pay attention to the fear that arises during meditation.  We were asked to select one prayer and develop a month long "prayer practice".  The instruction was to take 7 seconds to say each word and reflect on the following questions:  "Is there a relationship between the fear that arises and the prayer we are reciting?  What is the connection between the two?" 

I was pretty skeptical because I never thought of myself as someone who experiences fear.  I feel safe, protected and loved.  Those things are all true AND…

Here's my write up from April: 

I spent the past month developing a prayer practice on "Pokeiach Ivrim" - "Giving sight to the blind."  In the beginning it was just words - 7 seconds for each word.  "I can do that."  I did that. I sat.  I breathed.  I spoke.  I sat.  I breathed.  I spoke.

Is this prayer?  It depends.  Is this a trigger for prayer?  It depends.

For me, the kavannah (the intention) that accompanies me while I say the words, will determine whether or not it is prayer or a trigger/precursor to prayer.

I chose this blessing for my practice because sight/awareness seem to be in the foreground of my existence right now.  I need to be able to see - see the truth, see the real, see the hidden.  I need to be aware - be fully present.  And when these elements are shaky or imbalanced, fear starts to rise.  Noticing the fear is just the start.  Focusing on my breath and softening the judgement keep the fear from rising.  The softer the judgement the more sight/awareness I have.

Over the month I could feel my strength, my will, rise against the fear and judgment. Saying the words, breathing them slowly and thoroughly became a tool against fear.  By the end of the month the breath and words were intertwined - there was no distinction.  They were ONE.  The more the oneness came through the less fear surfaced.  

I only had a brief amount of time (not sure the exact amount - a few minutes? or a few seconds?) completely without fear.  Initially this was disappointing but then as time progressed, it didn't actually matter.  The practice carried throughout my day bringing about a continuous flow of calm and awareness.

Blessed One, fully present in this world, modah ani lifanecha, I stand before You in gratitude, for the ability to exercise my power, to extend breath and bring about sight to my blindness.

And now back to the silent retreat.

During one of the sitting meditations As my breathing slowed, I started to notice fear arising.  I noticed it, and let go of it with each exhale.  I did that over and over and over again for close to an hour.  "Noticing the fear.  Letting the fear go.  Noticing the fear.  Letting the fear go.  Noticing the fear.  Letting the fear go." This went on for a few days and I wasn't sure I would ever be rid of the fear.  During another sit, I specific verse kept creeping into my mind "Mah Norah HaMakom hazeh" - "How awesome is this PLACE".  This was the answer to my "pokeiach Ivrim" - "opening the eyes of the blind" - opening my eyes.  

I will explain:

"norah" = awesome (rather awe full - filled with awe)

"norah" is related to the word "yirah" = fear/awe in direct relation to God.

And then it hit me.  "yirah" - a state of awe, happens when I hold God within my fear.  Without God, my fear is just a vehicle for BEING afraid.  With God, my fear transforms into something tangible that enables me to act, causing the fear to soften and my strength to rise in its place.

"Makom" = means "place" and is also another name for God.  Using this definition the verse reads; "How awesome is this God".

I realized several things; fear is natural, especially when change happens and when something new begins.  Opening my eyes, seeing what's true, reflecting on this truth, enables me to be fully present.  This state of full presence allows me to bring God into the fear and (sometimes) that's when the fear becomes awe.

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha'Olam, Pokeiach Ivrim. 

Blessed One, You are Adonai, our God, King of the Universe, who gives sight to the blind.

Blessed One, fully present in this world, modah ani lifanecha, I stand before You in gratitude, for the ability to exercise my power, to extend breath and bring about sight to my blindness.

An invitation for you:

Dedicate 5 minutes every day, for 7 days, to sit/meditate quietly and notice any fear that arises.  Begin by reflecting on where you feel God in relation to the fear.  Notice what arises and practice letting it go.

INSTRUCTION:

Sit comfortably.

Allow your muscles to release and fall gently.

Take in several long  breaths.

Allow the breath to slow down.

Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of life, as we move into Shavuot and receive the Torah anew (as if it were the first time), may the breath hold the fear (but not hold onto it) and release it.  May the breath be a source of softening and compassion.  May the breath be the bridge to seeing and awareness.  May the breath be a source of compassion and connection between myself and God.  May the fear transform into awe.

Shabbat shalom,

Laurie