11.26.15 A little Thanksgiving

"Name It"

In Jewish pre-schools and Tot Shabbat programs across the country,  "Thank you God", by Doug Cotler, is a number one hit.  It goes like this:

Baruch Atah Adonai...thank you God.

Thank you for the candles.

Thank you for the wine.

Thank you for the challah,

It always tastes so fine.

Thank you for my mommy.

Thank you for my dad.

They love me when I'm happy.

They love me when I'm sad.

Baruch Atah Adonai,...thank you God.

There is a lot that's wrong with this song.  It's out of date - not every child has a mommy or a daddy or even two parents.  It's over-sung and frankly a little simplistic.  There's a lot that's wrong with this song.  And, there is a lot that's right.  It is simple.  The song names various things for which the singer is thankful; Shabbat and unconditional love. Those are definitely things for which to be thankful.

Whatever gripes I might have with the "rabbis" (they were sexist and exclusionary), they were geniuses around the important of emphasizing gratitude.  Not only are we supposed to say "thank you" to God every day for a multitude of things including restoring our soul, destroying our enemies, healing the sick and giving sight to the blind, we also have Shabbat.  We have SHABBAT, a 25 hour period, 25 hours every week to sit in gratitude.  

Most of us don't take full or even any advantage of this truly remarkable gift.  We don't consider ourselves "religious" (enough).  We don't believe in God.  We are too busy.  We take "it" all for granted.  There are infinite reasons.

But, every year, we celebrate the American holiday of Thanksgiving.  The holiday that is designed supposed to put us in position to name all of the "things" for which we are grateful.  But or and, we don't take full advantage of this either.  We ate too much at dinner and feel asleep.  We are too busy making our lists for Black Friday shopping extravaganzas.  We take "it" all for granted.  There are infinite reasons.

The rabbis weren't afraid or apologetic about their faith and connection to a higher power.  Maybe they really believed it or maybe they wanted it to be true.  Either way, I want some of that fervor.  I want to drink in that same liquid love that enables a deeper, stronger and more palpable affirmation and connection to God.

The rabbis (those same rabbis who were sexist and exclusionary) teach, Eizeh who chacham?  Halomed mikol adam.  "Who is wise?  The one who learns from everyone." (Pirke Avot, "Ethics of Our Fathers")

This Thanksgiving, and throughout this Shabbat let's learn from the toddlers, tap into our inner two year old and "name it".  Let's spend our time together naming that for which we are grateful.  How far can we go?  How deeply are we prepared to examine the various layers of our lives?   This doesn't remove all of the real pain or loss we experience as part of moving through life, but naming "it" might soften the acuteness.  We have both.  Are we willing to consider or be even bolder and connect our gratitude to a higher Being, something larger, perhaps even Divine?  

Let's pretend, let's assume, just for a while, that we are religious, we believe in something outside of ourselves (God?), and we aren't too busy.  

Baruch Atah Adonai...thank you God.

Thank you for my breath.

Thank you for my family.

Thank you for my friends.

They are always there for me.

Thank you for my laugh.

Thank you for my tears.

Thank you for my strength.

It's helps me embrace my fears.

Baruch Atah Adonai...thank you God.

I am thankful for*...

my capacity to love and be loved

my ability to heal and help heal others

the privilege of being a rabbi

too many people to name

my privilege

food

water

shelter
the ability to cry and laugh

safety

guts
kindness
music
prayer
humor
quiet

compassion

ability to adjust

the ability to feel

the ability to feel deeply

apologize

read

write

start again - start anew

create

the ability to get angry

the ability to forgive

the ability to walk

the ability to take care of my needs
the ability to work on myself

travel
all of you
honesty

*Listed in the order they came into my mind and not by importance.

Your turn.

With tremendous gratitude, friendship and love,

Laurie

11.20.15 "And he went out..."

Parashat Va'yeitzei
Genesis 28:10-32:3


Man on the run.

Tricked Into marriage.

A father's love.

Enslaved by my own father-in-law.

Insight into the inside.

What's in a name?

There's so much in this portion. I say this about many of the portions but this is the jackpot of "stuff".

Yaakov(Jacob) is still fleeing from his brother, Esav(Esau) for stealing/not stealing the birthright.  It's nighttime and he stops to sleep.  He is so tired, the rocks he places under his head are as a soft as a pillow.  He dreams of a ladder with angels ascending and descending. 

He finally makes it to his uncle Laban's home and falls madly in love (the first "documented" case of love at first sight) with the younger daughter, Rachel.  Like all good men of that time, and some would say of any time, he asks Laban for Rachel's hand in marriage (even though back then there wasn't a ceremony just a giving over from father to husband).  Laban is thrilled and says "yes, but".  He can marry Rachel but, only after he has worked for seven years (not a bad way to secure free labor).  Yaakov would have agreed to work seventy years.  He is madly in love.  The years seem like minutes and it's time to marry Rachel.

Everyone is thrilled.  Except Yaakov, Rachel and probably Leah too.  You see Laban, worried that his eldest would not marry, tricks Yaakov and gives him Leah instead of Rachel.  The Torah says that Yaakov doesn't realize he has married the wrong person until the next morning.  Really?  That's for another time.  Yaakov is madly in love with Rachel and agrees to work another seven years to marry her.  This time, he can marry her before working the seven years.

So, did Lavan trick Yaakov because he wanted to make sure that Leah would have a husband - thus securing her future?  Or did Lavan trick Yaakov so he could get fourteen years of free labor out of him?

The sisters move into a competition to see who can produce more babies.  Leah has five in row and Rachel is barren.  Then Rachel has one and Leah is barren.  Then they each give their maidservants to Yaakov and more babies are born.  The women name their children according to how they are feeling or how they think Yaakov feels about them. To name a few; "And God heard I was hated."  "And God saw that I was hated."  "Now my husband will love me."  "Now my community will know that I am loved."  Imagine having to write that at the top of your spelling test.  It's pretty vicious and doesn't sound anything like how sisters, partners and families should behave.  

Maybe that's the point.

Maybe that's the point?

There has to be more.

The title of the portion, Va'yeitzei means "and he went out".  It seems like that's the point, or actually more the problem.  Everyone in this portion "went out".  Everyone in this portion looked outwardly and maybe they needed to look inward?  Maybe this would have given each of them the opportunity to do a little self reflection and then maybe there would have been a different outcome.

Maybe that's the point.

Mekor Ha'chayiim, Source of life, as we move into Shabbat, let us be mindful of our own tendency to look outward and blame others.  Let us make a choice to look inward recognizing the power of this act to bring clarity and even healing.

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach(and blessed),
Laurie

11.13.15 JUSTIFIED? YOU DECIDE.

Are you coming tonight?  If you aren't, you are missing something great!

Join us for SHABBAT BEINEINU

5:00pm SPECIAL TOT SHABBAT (challah and grape juice provided).

Musical service and a really yummy dinner.
Great music! Great people!  Great food!  
You don't need to do any of the cooking (and only a little of the cleaning). 
6:30pm - All Angels Church - 251 W80th St. (80th/BDWY - behind Zabars)

Let's get busy with some Torah.

Parashat Toldot: Genesis 25:19–28:9

Yitzchak(Isaac) and Rivka(Rebecca) have children after twenty years of not being able to - "thank you God."  While pregnant, Rivka experiences some pain in her womb (can anyone who has every been pregnant relate?).  She turns to God (oddly not to her husband or a BFF) to ask "Why?".  God tells her "there are two nations in your womb," and that the younger will prevail over the older.  Apparently once she speaks with God, the pain in her womb goes away (really?).

The twins are born.  Esav(Esau) is the eldest.  He grows up to be quite hairy and ruddy, a hunter.  Yaakov, who comes into the world holding onto his brothers "ekev" (heel, hence Yaakov), grows up to be "an innocent man, dwelling in tents".  "Yitzchak loved Esav and Rivka loved Yaakov."  This is a direct quote from the text.  

From this very moment, we should know something is up.  What kind of parents love one child over the other.  And if they do, would they every admit this to anyone?  In fairy tales, at least it's the wicked step mother.  Apparently, the Torah is the one place where this happens.  

Esav, being the eldest, is guaranteed the birthright.  That's how it was done back then.  The oldest son received THE BLESSING, aka, all of the inheritance.  Daughters didn't count (except as property - and a means to acquiring more property).  But, something strange happens.  One day while Esav is out hunting, Yaakov cooks a stew (the famous lentil stew).  Esav returns totally exhausted and upon seeing his brother and smelling the stew, asks Yaakov to pour some of that stew into his mouth.  Yaakov says he will, but only if Esav gives him the birthright.  Esav agrees.  He says he is going to die if he doesn't get the stew so he wouldn't get the birthright anyway.  

WHAT?  Two lines prior, the text tells us that Esav is "ayef"(tired).  Now Esav is claiming he is going to die?  Esav agrees and trades his entire inheritance, essentially his entire future for a bowl of lentil stew.  ANOTHER indication that something is up.

[The next section of this parasha deals with Yitzchak and Rivka making their way to where they would settle.  Along the way, they encounter King Avimelech.  The same King Avimelech that Avraham, fearing for his life, lies to, saying Sarah is his sister and not his wife.  Yitzchak does the same thing as his father.  He is also afraid of getting killed so he tells Avimelech that Rivka is his sister.  What is up with these husbands passing their wives off as their sisters?  That's going to have to wait until another time.] 

Fast forward. Yitzchak is aging and losing his eyesight.  He calls Esav into his room and tells him it's time to receive the birthright.  He tells Esav to go and hunt and make him his favorite dish because it's time.  Yitzchak is ready to give Esav the blessing.  Esav goes out to hunt.  While he is away, Rivka, who apparently has already prepared Yitzchak's favorite meal, puts fur on Yaakov's arms, gives him the food and tells him to go to his father and take the birthright.  Does she know that Yaakov already took it from Esav years before?  

Yaakov goes into his father's room and Yitzchak says, "who are you?".  Yaakov answers, "it's me, Esav."  Yitzchak is confused.  How is it that Esav was already back from hunting and preparing the meal?  And, while the arms felt like Esav, the voice was Yaakov.  Yitzchak asks a second time, "Are you [really] my son, Esav ?"  And Yaakov says, "I am."  So Yitzchak moves ahead with the plan and gives Yaakov the blessing.  And, like all good stories, right as Yitzchak finishes giving all of the blessing, Esav returns from hunting and enters asking his father to bless him.  

Yitzchak feels terrible and blames everything on Yaakov.  Esav is beyond furious.  He is so angry he wants to kill his brother.  Meanwhile, in the other room, Rivka tells Yaakov to run away to her brother's just until Esav calms down.  Yaakov flees.

The parasha closes with Esav going to Ishmael to take a wife or three.  Remember Ishmael?  He was Avraham's oldest son and was cast causing him to lose the birthright to his younger brother, Yitzchak.

[Read ahead and you know that Yaakov's entire life is built on soaked in deception and lies.  He is tricked into working 14 years, instead of 7 to marry Rachel.  Then he is tricked into marrying her sister Leah first.  They trick him into getting one another pregnant (them or their maidservants).  Ten of his eleven sons continue this path by selling their brother into slavery and then lying to their father telling Yitzchak that Joseph is dead. This is not a "Leave it to Beaver" family. If you don't feel like reading, watch "Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat".] 

Wow!  My head is spinning. 

Is this really happening?  

       Did Rivka share the conversation she had with God while she was pregnant?  

               Did she share it with Yaakov later on? 

Why didn't God take action?  Or was telling Rivka the younger would rule over the older God's way of putting things in motion? 

                                  

                        Was Yitzchak's eyesight really fading?

Did Yitzchak really think Esav was receiving the blessing? 

          

                                   Is anyone justified in their actions? 

                                                Why is deception the mode?  

                                                           What's the takeaway?

?

Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into another Shabbat, and another opportunity to do some honest reflection, let us open our hearts to the possibility that we might also engage in (soft or hard) deception in order to get things we want or as a way of directing a situation towards a specific outcome.  What role does lying play in our own lives?  What actions do we justify?  What impact does all of this have on our relationships? What changes do we want to make?  

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach.

May Shabbat be filled with peace, wholeness and blessing,

Laurie 

  

11.6.15 "My Friend, Jen F."

Are you registered for the next "Shabbat Beineinu"?  11.13.15
5:00pm - Special Tot Shabbat (challah and grape juice provided) 
6:30pm - Musical service followed by a really delicious dinner. All Angels Church - 80th/Broadway - Everyone is welcome.  Bring friends!

It's been a few months and I thought it was time for a "Jen F." update.  A little background to make sure everyone is up to speed.  Jen is a relatively new friend.  We met last March. She is 34, and a mother of two daughters, 19 and 17.   Jen is smart, beautiful, courageous, funny and studying towards a BA.  She is also serving 25 to life at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility.  I visit Jen once a month.

On my last visit, it took over an hour from processing me to sitting with Jen.   I am all alone waiting in the visitor's lobby.  After  about 20 minutes, the loud speaker bellows "next"!  It's my turn to enter the processing room.  The guard checking me in is not in a good mood.  She challenges the purpose of my visit and remarks; "she's not really Jewish you know".  A second guard watches me remove my shoes and walk through the xray machine (like the airport).  He isn't in a good mood either.  He scrutinizes the contents of my small ziplock bag making sure I don't violate any rules.  I actually do, by accidentally leaving the business card for the taxi service inside the plastic bag.  He doesn't let me leave it there or throw it away. I have to throw it away back in the visitor's lobby or put it back in my locker.  Really!  I want to shout.  But, I say nothing.  I put my shoes back on. I go back out to the waiting area.  I put the business card back in my locker.  I do (exactly) as I'm told (even though I really want to say something). I go back to the processing room. I remove my shoes, again.  I go through the xray machine, again.  The guard pads down my arms, legs and back. He stamps the top of my right hand (always the top of my right hand). I am now fully processed.  There isn't any warmth or exchange of pleasantries.

I make my way through the three steel doors and enter the main building with the visitor's room. This guard, who needs to confirm that I have been authorized to enter, is also in a mood, and it's not a good one.   "It's winter.  Put on pants."  she says.  It was close to 75 degrees that day.  I am wearing leggings and a tunic with an open cardigan.  "Does it button?"  She snaps.  And there it is, again. That uneasy, nauseous feeling I always get at some point during my visit.  "Have I done something wrong?  Have I committed a crime?  Is this the time that they decide not to let me leave?"   It's not rational or logical.  The guard calls to let "them" know; "Fecu has a visitor".  I always wonder why they don't make this call when they first start processing me?  It feels like I am being processed, like deli meat; measured, sliced, packaged and stamped.  I don't say anything (even though I really want to). I wonder what happened to these people to make them so bitter?  I want to believe they started in this profession because they believed people deserve a second chance, even when they do something really terrible. But I am finding it harder and harder to maintain that narrative.  I'm finally in the visitor's room. Picture a school cafeteria.

Jen finally enters.  Her smile extends all the way back across the room.  We embrace and start chatting like old friends who are just out, meeting for lunch.  Some of our time together is spent talking about clothing and hair.  She thought mine was a perm.  But most of the conversation is heavy and deep. Jen is really struggling with her inability to be a mom to her kids.  She worries about them and is desperate to be in touch with them. Any relationship with them is completely dependent on her own mom.  Jen is frustrated and we start reviewing the tools she has to cope with all of the feelings she is experiencing; meditation, journaling, affirmations - many of the same tools I use to cope with all of the emotions I am juggling.   Jen has been working hard in each of her college courses and she continues to spend her "free" time fighting for improvements in the prison system.   She is trying to get the hourly pay rate increased.  It's currently less than $1.  

We take a break to purchase food.  Jen is hungry.  She is always hungry.  She "orders", two cheeseburgers, Greek yogurt, iced tea, a Hershey bar with Almonds and a Snickers.   Remember, she can't touch the money, the machines or the microwave.  She stands behind the black tape and points as I make the selections for her.  We return back to our table.  Jen has sits facing the guard.  She has to. I can sit across from her or next to her. But, I choose to have my back to the guard because I am still frustrated with the experiences I had from when I was being processed.

Each time I visit, Jen shares more about her past, more about her family and the traumas she experienced as a child.   She tells me about the time she saw her father knock out her mother's front teeth.  Somehow she gets to school.  Jen starts frantically running around the classroom yelling "Someone help my mommy.  Someone help my mommy."  Jen is five. When I was five, my dad played "fort" with us in our family room.  Jen's hysterics at school, end up saving her mommy.  That same day, Jen, her mom, sister and brother move into a shelter. A few weeks later, somehow they make their way to New York to live in one of the many housing facilities in Hell's Kitchen.  Jen thinks her grandmother, her Jewish, white grandmother made all of the arrangements.  Jen hasn't seen her father since.  The rest of this story will have to wait for another time.  

We have been talking for close to three hours and I have to start getting ready to leave. Jen tells me she is reading the newly published "Between the World and Me", by Ta-NeHisi Coates.  She asks if I would read it with her.  It's a letter from Ta-Nehisi to his son about being Black in a White world.  Of course I say "Yes".

We hug.  This time, a little bit longer than when we first see each other.  I say "Shabbat Shalom" and tell her I will be back next month.  I walk towards the exit.  Jen walks in the other direction, towards the door that leads to the room where she will be strip searched before she returns to her cell.  Each time I visit, each time I leave, each time Jen leaves the visitor's room, she is strip searched.  I want to take her with me.

I do not condone the behavior that received "25 to life".  And, I can't help wondering, believing, that if we had real systems in place to provide quality living and learning environments - food, shelter and education, it's highly unlikely, at least less likely that Jen would be known as #04G0854 (her inmate number).

Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into Shabbat,  may we take one of the 25 hours and consciously acknowledge the freedom and privilege of our lives.  May we take another one of the 25 hours to dedicate being generous and compassionate towards the other.  May we take one more of the 25 hours and commit to doing one thing that honors the narrative from our Creation story, that everyone is created B'tzelem Elohim - in the image of God, in the image of whatever is greater than the self, greater than all of the selves together.

Shabbat shalom u'mevorach,
Laurie