The opening prayer for Yom Kippur is Kol Nidre/"All of Our Vows". On behalf of the entire People of Israel, the service leader asks God to nullify all vows from the previous year and forgive all transgressions. "Let our vows not be considered vows; let our prohibitions not be considered prohibitions; and let our oaths not be considered oaths."
And God responds favorably. "I have pardoned in accordance with your words." It's as simple as that. We ask and God does. It's as simple as that.
And...it's never as simple as that.
The prayer is actually repeated 3 times. The melody intensifies with each repetition. It is a prayer of yearning and pleading. It almost sounds as if the service leader is crying, begging God. The service leader is the bridge between the people and God. The fate of the entire People of Israel lies in the hands, actually the voice, of one person. One person, one voice stands between blame and forgiveness, life and death. The service leader is working hard for all of us.
So what do we need to do prior to the recitation of the prayer? What should we do for the service leader? What can we do for God?
What if we turn the words of the prayer onto ourselves? What if instead of asking God, each of us makes the same request of our own self? What if each of us forgives our own self? Can we make ourselves vulnerable enough to stand in the face of our own wrongdoing? Can we engage our vulnerability as a source of strength (instead of weakness)? This is an opportunity to release ourselves from the weight of past mistakes. We can forgive ourselves. We have the power to do so and in a sense we are obligated to in order to enter the new year anew. Perhaps "Kol Nidre" has God forgiving immediately to enable us to do the same. If God can "Let it Go", the so should we.
As we make our way to "Kol Nidre", entrusting our fate to our service leader, let each of us take an honest accounting of our vows and our transgressions. Let each of us honor the neshama/the soul, that is restored to us every morning. Let each of us demonstrate self compassion and grant ourselves forgiveness.
May the coming year be filled with forgiveness, kindness and meaning.
G'mar Chatima Tova,
Laurie
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