Parashat Sh'mini
Leviticus 9:1–11:47
A lot going on so let's jump right in. Here's a snapshot (definitely worth reading the whole poriton); Aaron's sons, Nadav and Avihu bring an offering of "strange fire" to God. God didn't command this offering and they are killed. Aaron is silent in mourning. God commands the first laws of kashrut. And we learn about the mikveh (immersion into purifying waters).
It is very hard to understand God's reaction in response to Nadav and Avihu. Why are they killed? What is the "strange fire" and why is it so terrible that they brought the offering without being commanded?
Let's see what some of our Rabbis have to say:
Rabbi Eliezer says they died because their actions implied that they were making decisions about Jewish law and they didn't have this authority.
Rabbi Ishmael says they died because they drank wine and before entering the Tent of Meeting to make their offering. This is forbidden.
That's it? That's all you got?
I'm sorry Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Ishamel but this time, neither of your explanations is very satisfying. I simply believe there could have been a better way to respond. Was death really necessary? God could have spoken to them and clarified that only God and possibly Moses have the authority to create the rules, their job is to follow the rules. I cannot rationalize or explain God's actions. I feel let down and am disappointed in God (hope that is allowed). I actually feel God made a mistake (hope that is allowed too).
I think about how challenging it is to sit with disappointment, especially when it is directed at a person and not a situation. What happens when someone let's us down? When someone falls short of what we expect? Moving through disappointment requires a lot of patience and a lot of softening. We really need to put ourselves in the mindset of forgiveness. We cannot explain or understand their actions and so we must figure out a way to let go. If we can't find a way to forgive then we risk being stuck in a permanent state of disappointment. This will undoubtedly compromise our relationship with the other person.
But how? How do we forgive? How do we soften? How do we let "it" go?
We just do it.
We make a choice to let "it" go either because we desire to be in relationship with the other or because we want to be able to move through the experience. We make the decision to soften and release ourselves from the disappointment. (I also find it very important to share these feelings with the other so they know how their actions impacted me.) We trust, we believe, we have faith that because of the desire to be in relationship, their will be growth.
So, God, if you are listening (and even if you aren't), I forgive you. I forgive You because I want to be in relationship with You. I forgive You because of the commitment we have made to one another. I forgive You because sometimes mistakes are made, including very large ones. I forgive You because I know you are not defined by one action.
Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into Shabbat, may each of us make room to forgive the other and/or ourselves for even very large mistakes. May we learn from these experiences and use them to help us when we are faced with similar situations in the future.
Shabbat shalom u'mevorach (a full and blessed Shabbat),
Laurie
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