LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING EVERYONE WHO HAS ALREADY REGISTERED FOR SHABBAT BEINEINU
IF YOU HAVEN'T
IT'S NOT TOO LATE
REGISTER NOW.
AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO REGISTER IN ADVANCE
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THAT'S HOW MUCH WE WANT TO CELEBRATE SHABBAT WITH YOU
(The pretty colors and the bold font are designed to entice you to come. Is it working?)
It's been a while since we talked a little Torah about Jen. Remember Jen? She's the friend I introduced on Yom Kippur. A little reminder; Jen is a relatively new friend. We met a year ago, March. We were strangers and now we are friends. She is 36 and a mother of two beautiful and smart daughters ages 19 and 17. Jen is also a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a friend. She is in college and one class away from obtaining her Associates Degree.
Jen is smart, spiritual, has a good sense of humor, kind, open hearted, a little stubborn, searching for a connection to something larger than herself, thoughtful, cares about the world, is bothered by injustice and works hard. We are actually quite similar. Jen loves watermelon, meditation, scrabble and it doesn't bother her to play without keeping score. We are actually quite similar.
Except...Jen doesn't have a cell phone. She is always hungry. She wears the same green pants every day (alternating between two pair). Jen is not allowed to use a computer. She hasn't gone to the movies or on vacation in a very very very long time. Jen can only wear certain colored shirts and they can't have any writing or logos on them.
Jen lives in prison. She has been incarcerated for 15 years at Bedford Hills, a women's maximum security facility. She is there because she committed a terrible act. Just in case there is any misunderstanding, I am not condoning or excusing her actions. And just in case there is any additional misunderstanding, I believe that each person is lucky or unlucky regarding the family we are born into. I was incredibly lucky in every respect. Jen wasn't.
Jen doesn't have a first name inside prison. She has a "DIN" number ("D" Inmate Number, I forgot what the "D" stands for.), which I have intentionally refused to learn. CO's (Corrections Officers) usually call her by her last name or her number.
I visit Jen once a month. People are quite surprised and intrigued by this and I am often asked; "Why?" "What do you do during the visits?" "Is it hard?" "Is it scary?"
I made this commitment for a variety of reasons. First, because I believe everyone has the capacity to change (if they want to). Second, if they have made a commitment to change, they deserve support. Third, in order to maintain a desire and commitment to change, they need love. Fourth, it's the least that I can do.
My last visit was this past Tuesday. The check in process is ridiculous and often very time consuming. But this time, I only waited 30 minutes for Jen to enter the visitors' room. We hugged like we always do. I hug Jen longer than I usually hug probably because it only happens once a month. We spent a good chunk of time catching up on school/work, family, and kids. Jen's oldest daughter is graduating high-school and starting Fordham this summer. She opened up even more about her background and the different members of her family. We talked about the Omer and the quality of "Bonding" - our ability to connect with others and establish meaningful and lasting relationships. We discovered, we have similar outlooks, strengths and challenges.
For the first time Jen raised the topic of parole. Her first opportunity to go before a parole board will be in 2019. Jen rarely references actual time. She says it's difficult and a little painful to keep track "inside". She thought it was Monday. Even though it's three years away, Jen knows she has to start preparing. Parol boards want you demonstrate remorse and they don't particularly find a strong (aka stubborn) woman appealing. A big piece of their decision will depend on Jen's ability to give them what they want. This will be incredibly challenging for her. She knows she has to begin preparing now.
We played scrabble (didn't keep score) while we drank diet coke and shared a bag of chips. Jen ate yogurt, "homemade" fish and Spanish rice, a fruit pop, and an ice cream bar. The vending machines were out of fruit and one of the machines all of the food was spoiled.
It felt pretty normal.
Jen lives in prison. She has been incarcerated for 15 years at Bedford Hills, a women's maximum security facility. She is there because she committed a terrible act. Jen is smart, spiritual, has a good sense of humor, kind, open hearted, a little stubborn, searching for a connection to something larger than herself, thoughtful, cares about the world, is bothered by injustice and works hard. We are actually quite similar. Jen loves watermelon, meditation, scrabble and it doesn't bother her to play without keeping score. We are actually quite similar. (This duplication is intentional.)
We were strangers and now we are friends. We bonded and we are bound.
Mekor Ha'Chayiim, Source of Life, as we move into Shabbat let us be mindful of our relationship to "Bonding" - our ability to connect with others and establish meaningful and lasting relationships.
Shabbat Shalom u'mevorach -
Wishing everyone a Shabbat filled with rest and blessing.
Laurie
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